the will to death

choking with my own saliva
love, look what you've done..
keep thinking of words i wish i'd forget.
my room's full of smoke and mirrors
empty bottles full of stubs
archive singing violently that feeble melody
you know, the one i sang for you.
cold hands trembling, love
me mumbling words, something like love, love
love, isn't it what made you nervous, love?
love, isn't it forbidden?
love, love, love, now i can scream it on the phone
yes, i can piss you off again, you know?
but you ain't listening, you ain't listening..
love, i'm talking about love, if you know what i'm saying.
no disrespect, but that's what you are, love.
what you've never felt, love, what you'll never feel.
i suppose.
thought i knew, but i didn't
thought you cared, but you didn't.
being afraid of your everything
but still being afraid of everything without you.
love, i hate you.

only this and nothing more--

so, when you think you're falling
open your arms
and pretend you're flying.
the fall might hurt the same
but the way will be happier-
more innocent-
easier, calmer-
and when those days come
those days, you know i'm sorry
when you can't sleep, can't dream anymore
when you keep listening to the same discordant melody
when you make the same dull dim-remembered story, i'm sorry
when you laugh at me, but smile no more, i'm sorry
i'm sorry
when those days come-
but don't forget
don't you forget, love
by no fear this soul is driven-
cause enamoured heart
makes the words tremble
ceases the blood in the veins
blushes with love-
doesn't exist anymore-
fading memory, love-
''no more! alas that magical sad sound
transforming all! thy charms shall please no more!
thy memory no more!''
accursed...mind-
stupid spectator in a stupid drama
in a motley situation, an invisible barrier
mime that mumbles his words-
empty room, haunting you
or not
whatever-
sweet duty, gone away-
nothing but a heartache everyday--